What to Buy for the Dad that Has Everything

December 06, 2022 4 min read

You might think your dad is the greatest man in the world, and you might be right. Sources suggest that Your Dad is a pretty great guy, and to look around at his domain and think about all that he has, you might be struggling with the question:

What to buy for the dad that has everything?

Taking into account how amazing you are as a spouse/child/parent/overly-attentive-neighbor (weird), what more could he want? What to get the guy who has a fulfilling life as a hobby racetrack driver/pilot/brewmasteranda great family?

We racked our brains and this is thedefinitivelist of things to get for that guy who seems to have everything. Even if his tools, fishing, hunting, sports, and clothing collections are tip-top, you will definitely find something here that is perfect for that perfect dad.

A perfect replica of the Bigfoot monster truck

If your father grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s, monster trucks werehugein every possible meaning of that word. These gigantic bruisers crushed stupid little cars like they were nothing and they wereultra cool. Rad, even. Your dad probably had a poster of Bigfoot, which was undoubtedly the most famous of them all.

To even get started on a monster truck, you need at least $150,000…and that's for a used one. To build a new one from scratch is going to run you around $600,000, so I would start putting some of your paychecks aside so your dad has a cool present for the next (insert time-relevant present-giving occasion here).

A Masamune Katana

Do you know what I guarantee your dad doesn't have? A Katana from the greatest sword maker that ever lived. There aren't many of these in existence but they are the finest blades ever forged by a man, and to a certain degree they revolutionized katana making.

You might have to break into a museum, but what better way to say I love you to your father or husband than to get him a sword that's capable of cutting just about anything? Plus, it'll give him an opportunity to fight off intruders in the coolest way that any human ever could.

Hulk Hogan's Corvette

Chances are good that your father looked up to Hulk Hogan at some point in his youth, especially if he grew up in the '80s. The Hulkster is one of the most famous wrestlers of all time, and it's well known that his Corvette is top of the line, tricked out, and his most prized possession. Unfortunately, he's not going to just sell it to any group of kids buying something special for their dad.

No, in order to get Hulk Hogan's Corvette you're going to need to undergo a series of trials. These trials were written down in the 1980s on the back of a Hard Rock Cafe napkin and lost to time, but a replica exists in the Smithsonian.

Legend has it that if you're able to complete the 12 trials of Hulk Hogan within 4 days - and every member of your group survives - you will be granted his Corvette and a dinner for four at Denny's.

Man, getting these presents is starting to feel like a lot…

A Brick from the structurally unsound part of the Leaning Tower of Pisa

It is almost universally frowned upon to take pieces of national landmarks, but in this particular case it is extremely frowned upon. The bricks on the underside of the leaning Tower of Pisa are incredibly unstable. So getting your dad one of these means putting the tower itself at risk and anyone in the general vicinity of it.

If you truly love your dad, you will get him not one but maybe 500 of these bricks. Then as the tower falls over he can tell all his friends that it was essentially his children that did that.

That's a pretty cool present.

The Necronomicon

You might think the book of the dead names is just a plot device from an HP Lovecraft story. Or maybe you know it from theEvil Dead series, but the real necronomicon exists. Possibly.

How fun would it be for your dad to have the most powerful evil book of all time? His favorite sports team would probably play better knowing that he could just strike them down with evil magic whenever.

A Mega Yacht

Normally, mega yachts are only for the ultra-silly rich (billionaires who have spent money on every other possible thing and now have to bring their ridiculous opulence to the ocean because nobody out in the ocean makes fun of them). While it is unlikely that you could afford a mega yacht (no shade, they're absurdly expensive), you could do the next best thing - build your own by working at a mega yacht factory and sneaking out one piece at a time.

Like where he built a mega yacht one piece at a time - I think the song is called "Big Boat" or something.

A Piece of the Moon

We're not talking about a moon rock here or some stupid moon dust. No, when we say a piece of the moon, we mean a large, unreasonable chunk of the big, goofy moon.

You will probably have to invent a way to harvest, but once you do, you can probably make a lot of money with that...very specific, weird skill.

Nothing

What do you get for the dad that has everything? That has a cool family, a loving wife, great kids, possibly siblings, and a life he loves?

Nothing.

And this isn't to say he doesn't deserve something awesome like an ancient katana, a piece of the stupid moon, or Hulk Hogan's beard or whatever we said earlier.

Dads are fairly uncomplicated - we want to spend time with our families, take care of them, build things with our hands, possibly eat a bunch of wings while we watch big dudes hit each other for a ball.

So the next time that you are thinking about getting something for the man in your life that has everything, chances are good he already believes he has everything.

And chances are good that if you took away all of his physical possessions he would still feel like he has everything when he's with his family. Maybe that’s the key. Go spend some time with your dad. Make some memories with him. Tell him that you love him.


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